Dear God

Dear God,

I believe, I swear I believe.

But I am so scared and so alone, I feel it in my bones. I feel like I have no purpose other than giving my mother my degree, I feel like I wont ever be happy or feel laughter in my heart. I feel like I have been fighting and losing for so long and its hard. I am hurt and tired and scared.

Please make it better, please wash the pain in my heart, please grant me health and success. Dear God, shower me with peace and contentment and gift me with bliss and companionship. Or please make my end close and take me to you.

Angoris

And they will tell you many tales of love and its agony, but listen only to those who speak of how the world changed in their eyes after they lost love. Because that’s what falling in love does to you; like the right dose of endorphins and caffeine spreading through your blood, slowly and suddenly all at once and your world looks shinier, more complete. You see the beauty in the small things and every aspect is brighter, the edges are rounder and you feel high on power and self-confidence. It then transitions into the right dose of  intoxication and the world becomes a lovely book you’re reading on a breezy evening, you feel every single detail and every single emotion take over you, placing you on a magical carpet that travels the whole world with your soul; while your body remains static. And at the moment where you feel like you own the world and that you understand the reason behind existence is the exact moment it’s all stolen from you. You are no longer the sun nor the moon, you are no longer the purpose and the reason, you aren’t anyone’s thought every morning and night. You are stripped off bare and raw and your scar is hidden but furious and inflamed like an open heart scar buried  under layers of clothes but it becomes the first thing people notice when your skin is unconcealed.